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  1. #1
    Administrator
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    Yes | No

    A Hypothetical: Proposal at Birthday Lunch

    So, I figured I'd toss out a scenario and see how the Wheat and all our new friends might respond.

    I know there's probably a lot more guys here, but I hope the women weigh in too

    Fortunately, this does not involve me in any way shape or form other than the story is being told to me by a girl that I'm currently "talking to" or whatever the kids call it these days

    We'll call my friend Sally

    tl;dr: Guy planning marriage proposal at HIS beach birthday lunch, Girl shows up without a gift and an hour late to lunch, both families in attendance, how do you respond?

    Sally flew out to Florida to visit her childhood friend, we'll call Marjorie...Marjorie thinks it's a routine visit for Marjorie's boyfriend's birthday, but the secret plan is for Marjorie's boyfriend to propose at his birthday lunch on the beach....family all lives there so it's not odd that both sides are attending the birthday

    Anyway, earlier today Sally is texting me that Marjorie is an hour late to the boyfriend's birthday lunch and has informed her that she does not have a gift for him, Sally asked if I would be mad

    So, I pose the question to you, wheaters, how would you respond to this? Women responders, put yourself on the other side of this, as unrealistic as it sounds....you're proposing to the guy at your birthday lunch (LOL) and he's an hour late, giftless...or, you're the guy, because let's face it, no woman is giving up her birthday attention to propose to a man (chauvinist trigger )

    Personally, I wouldn't give two shits about the gift, I don't really care about gifts and generally i don't expect anything for my birthday, I would, however, be peeved about the lack of punctuality, and it would really put me in a bad mood

    Not sure if bad enough not to propose at that moment, but if this was a chronic thing, we'd probably be having a discussion....I dated someone for six years that couldn't arrive anywhere on time, and no matter how many times we discussed it, she DGAF

  2. #2
    Soft
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    Yes | No
    I would propose via text while she was still late for the party. Something like:

    "Hey, I was going to do this in person, but since you're late, AGAIN, because you're always FUCKING LATE, because you care about no one but yourself, do you want to get married. Reply by emoji."

    kthx

  3. #3


    Yes | No
    If a Sally for flew out for an event for me, by god, I would be there. I hate people that seem to think their time is more important than mine, especially after I've stuck my ass in a metal tube for a few hours next to Fatty Patty. If Marge didn't know Sally would be there, that changes the equation.

    I am married, however, blissfully so, and have met friends of my wife who are not as concerned with concepts of "time" that the rest of civilized society follow. In fact, a great friend of mine is married to one of these and after 15 years and three kids of their own, still no difference. A great woman, great mother, primary bread winner in the family (this one still blows me away) but just oblivious to time.

    I would be pissed, no doubt, but I'm guessing he knew this about her and decided to get hitched to her anyway.

    Hopefully, they had enough beer in the coolers to tide them over until she decided to show up.

    I personally think it's a sign she thinks she's much more important than she is. As noted earlier, I hate people that think "appointments" or "time" doesn't apply to them.

  4. #4
    Magic Grue Trainer/Author
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    Yes | No
    I wouldn't have proposed to her in the first place at my own birthday party - in front of both families. That's a seriously amateur move. Talk about putting someone on the spot and forcing the "yes." A marriage proposal should be focused and personal, and completely done in private. The boyfriend sounds like an immature douchebag. Probably why Marjorie doesn't give a crap about being on time or caring enough about him to get him a gift.
    It's pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

  5. #5
    Supreme Leader
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    Yes | No
    Here's an idea. Never propose.


    (21:01:09) ICThawk: z5 sweats swag and cums value

  6. #6
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    Yes | No
    Quote Originally Posted by Jhawkz5 View Post
    Here's an idea. Never propose.
    Well, that doesn't really apply to this hypothetical

    @Protist, I do enjoy how vindictive that is, haha

    @illini - I'm the same way and my ex was like the girl in the story, "I'll get there when I get there"...such a selfish state of mind

    @Fro - haha, as mentioned, I don't know the guy...I assume it was a "no brainer yes" so he wanted to involve the families, but I don't know

    I guess on the upside for me, "Sally" agreed with me that the behavior was unacceptable

  7. #7
    Double Secret M0derator
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    TheNewCzar


    Yes | No
    Not enough info

    Was she late due to her job and is her job prostitution? Plus, I'll need pics to help formulate my response, and her email and twitter, etc.

    Also, who the hell sets up a proposal with everyone in attendance and the partner has no idea? I'd be pissed if that happened to me with some dude. Hell, I'd be pissed if any dude proposed to me. I'm sure some dudes would want to marry me...wait, WTH am I talking about??? Left field there
    How many Lowes could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?

  8. #8
    Administrator
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    Yes | No
    Quote Originally Posted by dewarsrocks View Post
    Not enough info

    Was she late due to her job and is her job prostitution? Plus, I'll need pics to help formulate my response, and her email and twitter, etc.

    Also, who the hell sets up a proposal with everyone in attendance and the partner has no idea? I'd be pissed if that happened to me with some dude. Hell, I'd be pissed if any dude proposed to me. I'm sure some dudes would want to marry me...wait, WTH am I talking about??? Left field there
    Interesting, I have no idea how/if I will ever propose, I would have thought a woman would have liked that setting for a proposal

  9. #9
    Point Forward
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    Yes | No
    I dated a girl who was like this a few years ago. This was in Central America, and everyone showed up 30ish minutes late to everything, but she would show up like 2-3 hours late from time to time. One time in particular, she was over two hours late to dinner and drinks with a group of friends (not a big deal compared to a potential proposal lunch) but her phone was also dead, so I thought she'd been kidnapped and murdered or something. Kind of ruined the happy hour for me.

    She was pretty awesome for the most part, but I couldn't stand that about her. I don't think I could ever date someone like that again because it was so damn irritating.

  10. #10
    Posse
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    Yes | No
    The only reason there should be any concern is if she was late because she found out what was going on and doesn't want to Marry homeboy.

    If its out of character for her to be late, and its just a coincidence that she happened to get hung up with something on this particular day then it shouldn't matter. If she's the type that is always running late then homeboy should be used to it and it shouldn't matter. If either of the previous two scenario's is true, and the tardiness was enough to call the proposal into question, then what is homeboy doing proposing in the first place? You love someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them and you question that because they were late?

    Chronic lateness is a pretty rude and selfish behavior IMO. Shit happens to everyone that makes them late from time to time, I get that, but people that just don't give a fuck that their friends and family are always waiting on them need a reality check. My Mother in Law is always late because she is self conscious and takes way to long getting ready. This drives me crazy and the wife and I have had arguments about it several times. I literally always tell her folks to be places an hour before they really need to be and they still show up 15 minutes late. I told my wife that it would stop if her dad just left on time without her once or twice.
    Eight year olds Dude

  11. #11
    Hawkaholic
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    Yes | No
    Hmmm...not sure how I would react. I really hate being late myself and those who are chronically late drive me up a wall. It just comes across as passive aggressive, with a side of "look at me! look at me!". As HawkinCO notes, not really enough information to truly judge the situation. In the end, he's the one who has to live with her, so if he still wants to marry her, more power to him. Just don't be surprised when she's late to the wedding.
    My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

  12. #12


    Yes | No
    I don't offer advice unless those involved ask for it. Let me know if the principals are soliciting my opinion.

    But I will join those who have generally opined on lateness. I hate waiting on people, and I hate being late. Nevertheless, I also hate waiting. So I usually try to be somewhere exactly on time, but sometimes that makes me a few minutes late. I don't know how to kick this habit.

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

  13. #13
    Part of the problem
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    MissTCShore


    Yes | No
    I think it really depends on the couple and their relationship. Is she chronically late and is that something that he takes in stride?

    If it were me (putting myself in the man's situation), I'm very anal about being on time. I show up early to everything. So, someone being an hour late to something important and persona would be a problem, and I probably would postpone that proposal because I'd be a little upset and wouldn't want to propose while I was upset.

    On the other side of the coin, if I where her, putting aside the issue that I was late (which would have to be due to something out of my control), I wouldn't be happy about having a "public" proposal. I'm a private person, introverted, and easily embarrassed by attention. He would know this (or he damn well better) and wouldn't put me in this situation to begin with. If he did, he better expect a "no". Or he may get a "yes" that would be insincere but designed to prevent any embarrassment in the moment, and then a retraction of the "yes" at a later time.

    That's why I said up front that it depends on the couple. They may be completely different than I am. Extroverted, free spirited, unconcerned about conventions like "time" and "propriety". If that's the case, it may be no big deal.
    Grammar Police: To Correct and Serve -- Every time you misspell a word, the errorists win.

  14. #14


    Yes | No
    The main thing I'd need more info on is if it's out of character for Marjorie to be late to things. If so, he should've thought that through and been prepared for the possibility. Proposing publicly feels tough enough to pull off with so many variables even if you're 2000% sure she'll say yes. If it were me, I would need someone to keep me occupied for every second until the time came to pop the question whether she was late or not.

  15. #15
    Chippyz in ur kiltz, doin' ur mathz.

  16. #16
    High Class Wheater
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    Yes | No
    Having carefully considered the proffered evidence, Judge GregA shall render a verdict.

    Based on the evidence the only thing the guy has the right to be upset about is the lack of a gift. You should always get the person you are dating something even if it's not that important. For this lack of basic consideration, he is owed one blow job and one session of anal.

    No evidence has been entered about any possible reasons for Marjorie's lateness. Was she aware of the importance of this party? Showing up late to an ordinary party, even a brithday party, is not an offense. Men should have birthday parties for their 21st and 40th, not in between. Assuming that he was turning neither, a birthday party where parents show up, including girl friend's parents and friends fly in from out of town is a narcissistic move. If she did not know about the proposal plan, then she was likely intentionally late in an attempt to take him down a notch and nip this narcissism in the bud. She should be applauded for that. She is to be rewarded with one eating out and she gets to peg him.

    IT IS SO ORDERED.

  17. #17
    Mr. Networking
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    Yes | No
    Quote Originally Posted by GregA View Post
    Having carefully considered the proffered evidence, Judge GregA shall render a verdict.

    Based on the evidence the only thing the guy has the right to be upset about is the lack of a gift. You should always get the person you are dating something even if it's not that important. For this lack of basic consideration, he is owed one blow job and one session of anal.

    No evidence has been entered about any possible reasons for Marjorie's lateness. Was she aware of the importance of this party? Showing up late to an ordinary party, even a brithday party, is not an offense. Men should have birthday parties for their 21st and 40th, not in between. Assuming that he was turning neither, a birthday party where parents show up, including girl friend's parents and friends fly in from out of town is a narcissistic move. If she did not know about the proposal plan, then she was likely intentionally late in an attempt to take him down a notch and nip this narcissism in the bud. She should be applauded for that. She is to be rewarded with one eating out and she gets to peg him.

    IT IS SO ORDERED.
    Haha...well played, your honor.

    I was raised in a household that if you weren't 15 minutes early, you were late..so tardiness was a huge nono. My wife is very much on time which I think she got from seeing how late her parents were to events, especially the mom. My mother-in-law is pretty awesome..I'm lucky..but she does have a problem with tardiness. It's a combination of not being able to estimate how long a task will take to complete and being stubborn about getting things done on her "list" before doing something else. As a result, she runs pretty much 20-30 minutes late. I take it all in stride now, but for the first 10 years or so, it drove me batty. Since we lived in California at that time and the in-laws were in Lawrence, the opportunity for irritation was greatly reduced.

    I agree with others in that a proposal should be a very private event..forcing it on your potential spouse in front of a large crowd is a douche move in my book.

  18. #18
    High Class Wheater
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    Yes | No
    Quote Originally Posted by GregA View Post
    Having carefully considered the proffered evidence, Judge GregA shall render a verdict.

    Based on the evidence the only thing the guy has the right to be upset about is the lack of a gift. You should always get the person you are dating something even if it's not that important. For this lack of basic consideration, he is owed one blow job and one session of anal.

    No evidence has been entered about any possible reasons for Marjorie's lateness. Was she aware of the importance of this party? Showing up late to an ordinary party, even a brithday party, is not an offense. Men should have birthday parties for their 21st and 40th, not in between. Assuming that he was turning neither, a birthday party where parents show up, including girl friend's parents and friends fly in from out of town is a narcissistic move. If she did not know about the proposal plan, then she was likely intentionally late in an attempt to take him down a notch and nip this narcissism in the bud. She should be applauded for that. She is to be rewarded with one eating out and she gets to peg him.

    IT IS SO ORDERED.
    After careful consideration I have decided sua sponte to amend my own order.

    It has come to my consideration that this guy would have proposed by stating, "On this my 28th birthday in front of the most important people in my life: my parents, your parents, your best friend from the 1st grade, the stripper who gave me a blowie for a $20, and most importantly myself, I ask you, to be there for the rest of my birthdays. Will you allow me to do you the honor of being your husband?"

    As this would make her think, "What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He asked our parents to a fucking party? What are we 8? And, I the one who looks like an asshole if I say no?" She is allowed three peggings without lube. She is also awarded half. The parties are ordered to turn over their last three years of tax returns so that the court may set the proper alimony amount. We are skipping the marriage and heading straight to divorce in the name of judicial efficiency.

    IT IS SO ORDERED.

  19. #19
    Waterboy
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    Yes | No
    People who have no regard for others' time are selfish assholes. I'm not a "gift person," so to me that is definitely the lesser transgression. Also, he threw himself a birthday lunch?

  20. #20


    Yes | No
    I've never proposed to anyone, and based on the dozens of seconds I've thought about it, I would prefer it to be an intimate event. But I don't think a more public proposal is per se an immodest proposal. It just depends on the couple, so I cannot hypothetically second-guess (again, let me know if the principals are seeking my counsel).

    My brother and his wife are two of the sweetest, kindest, and yes most puritanical persons I know, and their engagement was along these lines. And by all accounts, it could not have been more fitting for them. If there is no uncertainty, then it can be a truly blissful moment for all involved; it's basically an instant engagement party attended by the most important people in your lives. What's wrong with that? Very little, says this dispassionate observer...

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

  21. #21
    unwashed mass
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    Yes | No
    First off, an adult having a birthday party? BPs are for children and should be. Total douche move to propose in front of both families and friends. This needs to be done in a packed major league ballpark on the jumbotron. I have no problem with her being late, either. She's showing him who's in charge.

    No gift, you say? Married guys get two BJs a year. One on Christmas and one on a BD. That's his present. Enjoy it.

  22. #22
    Administrator
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    Yes | No
    Quote Originally Posted by hankypanky View Post
    People who have no regard for others' time are selfish assholes. I'm not a "gift person," so to me that is definitely the lesser transgression. Also, he threw himself a birthday lunch?
    I assume (hope) this was under the guise of the families throwing him a bday party

    again, don't know the guy, but personally, I try to downplay my birthday as much as possible and don't remind people unless they remind me

    So, obviously, my work knows and my family knows, but I don't tell my friends my birthday...I also hope this abstains me from being required to make a big deal out of my friends' birthdays, cause they're not a fucking big deal

  23. #23


    Yes | No
    It's so dependent on context that it's useless to even try to answer imo:

    Is she generally considerate and treats you with respect? No big deal, something must've come up.

    Is she usually not these things? You probably shouldn't be proposing.

    Is she usually not these things, but you've decided you're gonna go for it anyway? This is your life now, so why make a big deal about any particular incident?

  24. #24
    Administrator
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    Yes | No
    Well, for the sake of message board purposes, I thought it was an interesting topic of conversation

    You're right that it is dependent upon lots of other details, I guess it struck home to me because I dated someone for a long time that was perpetually late (not just to things with me, with everyone, including work and her friends) because she was completely inconsiderate of anyone's time, but her own

    Granted, there's a reason (or reasons) we dated for six years and never got married, but this particular story Sally laid out for me made me particularly peeved

  25. #25


    Yes | No
    As a former chronically late person who is now almost always on time, I think the idea that late people are selfish assholes is way too simplistic. It's not that they don't care, it's just that they're bad at it.

  26. #26


    Yes | No
    You know why she was late?
    "I know who I am! I'm a dude playin' a dude disguised as another dude"

  27. #27
    Administrator
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    Yes | No
    I answer your question by asking you to look at your avatar for my response

 

 

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